I slept until 11:00 on Saturday, because I can. I got out of bed and went downstairs to see what the family was up to. My mom was in the kitchen washing up some dishes and told me I should go find my dad in the yard and say “hi”. I decided to have a bowl of Cheerios instead. 
I’ve never spoke of the abuse I’ve received from my father to anyone, but it’s pretty obvious to my mom and sister, that I don’t care to much for him.  They never ask why, so maybe they know something. I’m petty close with both of them, so it’s kind of surprising, in a way, that they don’t try to figure out why. It could be a family secret, buried so deep, because no one wants to admit it’s real. Or maybe the shame is overwhelming. Or maybe if it was exposed, it would destroy the family as we know it. All I know is, it’s my burden, I alone wear the scars and am left to ask the unanswered question, why me?
As I sat there eating my cereal, zoning out, my mom was rambling on about a bunch of stuff I couldn’t be bothered to listen too. That is, until she looked at me as if she was expecting an answer. 
She repeated, visibly annoyed, “I said, while your sister and I are out, do you need anything from Target or Costco?” 
“Umm…I don’t know.”
“Well, we are leaving in about an hour, so if you think of anything, please let me know.”
As she started leaving the room, I said “You know mom, maybe I should get a cell phone.”
“Really?  I’ve been waiting for you to ask for one for a long time now. I’m not against it, but do you think you’d use it?”
“Well, yeah. I mean…it’d be good for emergencies, right?  And, it’s like, everybody I know has one.”
“Well, your sister is due for a free upgrade, so maybe you can have her old phone and we can add a line.  We’ll stop by AT&T when we go out today.”
“Cool. Thanks.”
I ran back upstairs and got cleaned up and dressed. Then I sent Kayla an email, telling her to meet me by the thinking tree in two hours. A cell phone would be a lot easier…
The most important thing I learned in my talk with my mom, was that I was going to be home alone with my dad, in a little while. Since the incident from over two years ago, I have not been home alone with my dad once. It’s not worth the risk. If he’s the only one home, I’ll go sit in the woods, until my sister or mom get back. 
I stuffed some supplies in my backpack and headed out the sliding door. I decided to scope out the scene around the farm, from a distance. Without getting too close, I surveyed the area around the house with binoculars. I looked for areas to run to and hide. I looked for different ways to run away, if we got chased. I ran out of things to look for and think about pretty fast, so I found a spot in the tall grass, and laid down, looking into the sky. I reached for my ipod and popped in my earbuds. Then I closed my eyes and let The Notwist take me to another place. 
After about an hour, I walked back to wait for Kayla to show up. After some more, sitting and waiting, Kayla snuck up behind me and poked me in the ribs with a “boo!”  I jumped about a mile and let out a high-pitched “yelp!”
“What the hell?  Shit ass!” I protested. 
“Haha!  Shit ass?” Kayla shot back, doubled over in laughter. 
“Yes. Shit ass!”
“Ok. Whatever dick four.”
“Dick four?  What’s a dick four?”  As soon as I said it, I got it. Just a little too late. Kayla erupted with another round of laughter, that didn’t slow down one bit, even as I tackled her to the ground to get even with a playful wrestling match. We rolled around a bit, before settling side by side on our backs. 
“You bring all the supplies?” I asked. 
“Yup. Why did we meet here and not your house?” Kayla quizzed back. 
“Long story. Anyway, let’s soldier up.”
I could tell Kayla wasn’t satisfied with my answer, but for the time being, she was going to let it slide. We did have a mission to prepare for, after all. 
“Ok soldier boy, here is your outfit, complete with a hat.”
“Holy shit!  How big is your dad?  I could pull these pants up to my chin. Maybe we should just wear the jackets…and the hats.”
I did pull the pants on for fun, and I did tug them up to my armpits. We both laughed and agreed to ditch the pants. 
After we were dressed and set to go, Kayla pulled out her phone and put her head against mine. “Say cheese” she said, snapping off a pic of us together in these obnoxious hats. 
“There. Now I finally have a picture of you.”
“Can I see?  Cool. Can you email me that?  Then I’d have a picture of you too.”
“Sure” Kayla replied, smiling widely. “Can I say something, and you won’t get mad?”
“Umm…yeah. I’ll try.”
“Oh thanks. It’s nothing bad” she said while examining the picture on her phone. 
“What is it?”
“Well…Daniel. You’re really pretty.”
“No. No. I told you, don’t get mad. It’s just you’re features. Long eye lashes. Little nose. Big, full lips. Soft skin. You’ve got everything all girls want. With your long hair, it almost looks like this could be two girls.”
I had to admit what she was saying,  was making me more sad than angry. I motioned to turn and look down at the ground, not sure how to react. 
Kayla reached her hand out to me and spun me, facing her again. She lifted my chin and said “hey. I’m sorry. I truly wasn’t trying to be mean. Daniel, you are gorgeous. I love how you look.”  Then she pulled my body tight into hers and placed one of her hands on my hip, and said “anyway, I know you’re all boy” as she kissed me and lowered her hand, pushing my boy parts into her soft body. After a minute, there was no doubt what she said was true. I am all boy. 
Just about the time I was ready to scrap the mission and learn more about sexual education, she broke our embrace and said its time to go. I reluctantly agreed, and we headed for the tall grass. 


8 responses to “LIVE THROUGH THIS (part 14)

  1. I can’t imagine a boy Daniel’s age not having been alone with his dad for over two years. The ‘monster’ impression returns again. Neither can I imagine what would make a father treat his son as he apparently has.

    Daniel did some good planning for the second farm excursion before Kayla arrived, nice to have some escape plans formulated ahead of time.

    ‘Dick four’? I don’t get it, guess I’ve led too sheltered a life. Someone clue me in, please. Oh wait, I see now, it’s the resulting question that’s funny. I’m just slow. Kayla got her laugh.

    What a neat picture that must have been that Kayla took of the two of them in the camo getup. She will be a good one for Daniel to share his abuse story with, he needs someone to talk about this with, it’s something that shouldn’t be bottled up inside just him. I wonder if the ‘why me?’ question will ever be answered?

    Daniel really must have been a cute looking young guy to so infatuate Kayla as he did. I can understand how saying what she did might at first not be appreciated by a person wanting to be more ‘macho’ at that age but she sure didn’t mean it in a negative way, she was praising him.
    I really like all the life detail being presented here. Every bit is interesting, like Daniel perhaps getting his first cell phone. I guess that’s a big deal in a young person’s life these days, something that couldn’t even be imagined back when I was that age. Just having access to a computer and the Internet and email at that age is something even science fiction back then couldn’t predict.
    Sigh… This story is SO good! Part of it of course is the story line itself but a big part of it is the great descriptive skill of the writer. I hope this story continues on for a LONG time. I want this current relationship to go on for a long time but I also want to hear about other relationships and life experiences, about hockey competitions, about other living places, and hopefully eventually about trips to Norway and Australia as well as summer vagabonding around the country with friends. I think there is a vast catalog of experiences to cover just to this point in time and of course the future holds a complete New World yet to come. Ah, to be at that point in life again with all that to look forward to! I think this person has experienced much more in life than is normal and I think this will continue in the future.

    I really do wait impatiently for each new chapter in this story. It has become an important part of my current existence, I hope it continues on forever.


  2. Hello David
    A bittersweet chapter, the fun and excitement of Daniel's relationship with Kayla and their impending adventure, but the knowledge, too, of the darkness in his life as well, because of his father's appalling behaviour. I'm awaiting the coming chapters with as much trepidation as anticipation.

    Love & best wishes
    Sammy B


  3. Both sides of Daniel's life…the good and the bad. I am not sure how “sweet” the rest of the story will be, but given the title, I hope for a happy ending.

    Peace <3


  4. Hi. I am an author at Dreamspinner Press and Harmony Ink Press. I write gay romance for both YA and Adult levels. I came across your blog as it was linked to the blog of a reader of mine. I started reading and quickly became addicted! I ended up pouring through the entire story (so far) in one sitting! I was just overwhelmed by the honesty of the narrator's voice. It is so fresh and so real- sometimes it is hard to capture that kind of truth. I truly look forward to the rest of the story and I'm afraid I will be checking for new blog entries COMPULSIVELY!! And I like Daniel so much, I dread what may happen to him but I still need to know. I am also eager to discover what happens with Kayla. So, I'll be eagerly waiting for the next entry.


  5. I’m glad to see I’m not the only one that can see the great writing talent this young author has. I hope with all this praise and encouragement he is receiving that he will realize that this can be an important part of his life and that he will continue on with this and become even more skilled with practice. Of course this is somewhat selfish on my part, I want to continue to read his efforts!


  6. As Daniel spoke about being left alone with his dad, two words entered my mind: fear and panic. Then I realized, I felt the same way about the farmhouse: fear and panic. That could work out to be an interesting parallel. Will have to see how that plays out. It's difficult, when writing about real life events, to employ certain plot devices. I keep wanting to praise your writing choices, but then I'm not sure if they're creative choices you've made or if they're simply a retelling of facts. Either way, your story is compelling.


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