I never in a million years could have guessed that when I flipped open my laptop that evening, my life would change forever. 
After receiving a text from Kayla a little while earlier, saying she was tired and staying in for the night, I was disappointed, yet understanding. Suddenly, I had my night wide open, and decided to do some research on the internet, to see if I could find answers to some questions that have been clouding my mind of late.  The kind of questions you don’t exactly go to your mom or sister with. At least I don’t anyway. It just wouldn’t feel right to say ‘hey mom, I want to do sexy stuff with Mark. Is that normal?’  Or ‘hey sis. Kayla played with my tool. How would I go about playing with her thingy?’
So, I logged onto the trusty old Google, and started searching things like ‘how do I know if I’m gay? How can I tell if my friend is gay? How come I like both boys and girls?’  You get the idea…
I found a ton of information and articles, but most of it was boring, clinical sounding garbage. I’m sure it was well thought out, psychology stuff, written by experts, but I wanted to hear it from kids my age. I came across some chat rooms and forums, but I didn’t know how to register, and was weary of the whole idea anyway. Also, I didn’t really know what was being talked about behind those walls. 
Somehow, one of my searches hit on a site of gay interest stories. I’ve always been a pretty serious reader, but I had never read anything identified as ‘gay.’  My curiosity brought me into the various menus of the website. There were tons of categories.  From really sick stuff to innocent love stories. I started to read a few stories and was really enjoying them. However, I also ached in my heart. Reading about beautiful, gay romance and love that I so desperately longed for. I also came across a message board on the website, where people discussed the stories. There was a topic called ‘favorite stories’. I clicked on it, thinking it would help me find the good ones on this massive site. One of the titles that kept showing up, was a story called ‘A Rent Boy Named…’  It said this story was not posted on this website, but many people agreed it was the best story they had ever read. I was intrigued, so back to Google I went. 
I found ‘A Rent Boy Named…’ pretty easily, and clicked on the link. It was a very professional looking site, with pictures, links and a message board. I dove right into chapter one, and saw immediately, that the author was very good at his craft. He painted a picture that drew me in right from the jump. I read every word from chapter one, right down to the bottom of the long list of comments. I read many chapters that first night, reading intently as the story unfolded before me. I found that the main characters’ life paralleled my own life in many ways. I became so transfixed by the story that I wanted to meet this James. Be his friend. Share stories with him. Learn from him. At one point I had to stop reading. My mind was so wrapped up in earlier chapters, that I couldn’t focus on what I was trying to currently read. I bookmarked the site and wrote down what chapter I needed to backtrack to, when I needed to read some more. 
I went back to the first story site I has found, and clicked on a dirtier, racier set of stories. What?  I was curious. Where stories like Rent Boy tugged at my emotions, these short stories tugged at something a little lower on my body. Erotic, descriptive, and naughty. They left little to the imagination. I was getting similar feelings in the pit of my stomach, to the ones I felt the night before, while laying in the field with Kayla. Only these stories were of boys, playing out these erotic fantasies, in scenarios I could only dream of. It didn’t take long for me to picture myself and Mark as the lead characters. As I read, I started to absentmindedly paw at the pinched and trapped heat source, below my pants. 
As I caught onto what I was doing, I had thoughts of replicating the euphoric feeling Kayla sprung from me last night. Is that even possible?  I drew my pants down to my knees and started to manipulate myself in the same way Kayla had. It came very naturally, as if it was normal behavior. Why hadn’t  I thought of this before?  I dove into another sexy story, letting my imagination run wild, and before long, I convulsed myself into my first, self induced orgasm. Admittedly, it wasn’t as good as the one Kayla provided me. I had to work for it after all. You know. Sweat. Shortness of breath. But it still was wonderful, none the less. 
I got up and found a dirty sock to clean up the small mess I had made, and decided I would need a better plan, if I was going to do this again. I was fairly certain, I would be doing again, and again, and again. 
I went into the bathroom to take a pee. I took a box of Kleenex from the bathroom counter, and set it on the corner of my desk. I think that’s more practical than using dirty socks. Also, I didn’t want my mom to see all of my socks suddenly going into the washer machine all sticky and gross. 
It was getting to about 9:00, and I was thinking about crawling into bed, and watching a movie. My phone beeped, indicating I had an incoming text. It was my uncle. 
“You around tomorrow Doober?”
“Good. I’m picking you up around 12. I’m taking you to lunch and giving you your present. Ok?”
“Ya. Great!”
“Cool. How’s the sleeping exercises going?”
“You haven’t been practicing have you?”
“A little but then I kind of forgot.”
“It’s ok. Just remember it for if you can’t sleep. See ya mañana.”
“K. Adios.”
I crawled into bed and turned off all the lights, and proceeded to scare my pants off watching Silent Hill. I was both curious and excited about what my uncle had gotten me for my birthday. I was also excited for lunch. He always brings me to cool restaurants that I usually have never been to, or heard of. It took some time to get over how much the movie scared me, but eventually I just kind of drifted off. 
I slept until about eleven on Sunday morning. I went right into the bathroom and took a very long shower. I got dressed and went downstairs with only fifteen minutes until my uncles’ expected arrival. I told my mom about my plan for the day, and a few minutes later my uncle walked in. He chatted with my mom a little bit, then we headed out. 
I buckled up, and soon we were on our way. 
“Where we going?” I asked. 
“Pizza Luće. It’s awesome. You’ll like it.”
Next, he said “here. Catch” as he flicked a guitar pick into the air. I caught it in my lap. 
“What’s this for?” I quizzed. 
“It’s your birthday present” he said, very matter-of-fact. 
“Oh…thanks” I responded. Not really sure how to react. 
“It goes with the rest of your present, sitting on the backseat.”
I craned my neck to look between the seats, into the back. Sitting across the seat was an acoustic guitar. The same guitar I played at his house last weekend. 
“No fucking way!” I yelled excitedly. 
“Yes fucking way” he said back, mockingly. 
“Yeah. I’ve got like four of them. I never even touch that one anymore. I saw you playing it last time you were over, and the other day I thought you should have it.”
“Wow. So cool. Thanks Aaron. You’re the best.”
“Your very welcome Daniel. It should be perfect for you. A good learner guitar. It has a pretty skinny neck. Good for your small hands.”
I leaned across the seat and kissed him on the cheek. I was seriously ecstatic about the gift, and didn’t know how else to show him. He just kind of smiled, and let me have my moment. 
We drove to Minneapolis and pulled into Pizza Luće. I immediately liked the place. All the people working there were punk rockers with crazy piercings, tattoos, and wild hair. They had some pretty crazy pizzas too. Strange ingredients. The food and the atmosphere were both very cool. We had a fun time in there. As well as some good conversation. He’s the closest person I dare talk to about most things. Although, there are some things I’m still not talking about, even with him. 
“So how was your weekend?  Did you have any fun for your birthday?”
“Yeah. Friday was cool.”
“Yeah?  Did your mom take you out to make up for Thursday?”
“No. She wanted me to go out with her are Kari yesterday, but I didn’t feel like it.”
“So why was Friday so good?”
“I went camping with Kayla behind the house.”
“Oh?  Little cold for camping, isn’t it?”
“Well yeah. We eventually went into the house. It was freezing out.”
“So what did you do?  
“We had a fire and ate and stuff.”
“That doesn’t sound so great. What else?”
“Promise you won’t tell my mom?”
“You know I won’t…unless you killed someone. That, I might have to turn you in for.”
“Nah. Kayla stole some beer and brought it over.”
“Really?  Did you two get drunk?”
“Yeah. Kind of. I think so.”
“Yeah. You definitely don’t want your mom to find out about that. Did you have fun?”
“Oh yeah!  We ummm…did some…other stuff too.”
“What?  Like pot?”
“No no no. Like…stuff. You know?”
“Ohhhh. Like stuff. I see. So, how was that?”
“Amazing!  Except I passed out before we did much.”
“Ah ha ha ha!  Atta boy. Was she pissed?”
“Nah. I don’t think so. But I’m kind of pissed at myself. She got me back though. When we went inside, she passed out on me.”
“Wait!  You had her sleep in your room?”
“Yeah. She couldn’t go home. It was super late.”
“You, my friend, have huge balls. Barely thirteen, and a girl sleeping over.”
“That’s what Kari said too.”
“Your sister knew?”
“Yeah. She heard us come in. But she was cool about it. She even helped me sneak Kayla out the next morning.”
“Very nice. But you realize she has blackmail now.”
“Yeah. I know.”
“You’re also probably lucky your little girlfriend passed out. Probably wouldn’t be too good to get caught bumpin’ uglies with your folks downstairs.”
His last comment made me blush. He was right though. I was so horned up, I wouldn’t have even thought about that, if she happened to stay awake, I don’t know what might have happened. 
At that point, I thought it would be best to shift gears, so I steered our conversation a different direction. We finished our lunch, and ride home, talking about guitars, and learning how to play them. 
He dropped me off and I went in holding my new guitar. I turned down dinner, and went up to my room, to learn chords. After a few hours, my hands hurt, so I decided to read a couple of chapters of Rent Boy.  I cut myself off after only a few chapters, so I could soak in every detail.  I was really becoming obsessed with this story.
After that, I got myself ready for bed. I was actually looking forward to going to school. On a Monday, no less. 

7 responses to “LIVE THROUGH THIS (part 37)

  1. Ah ha, the start of Daniel's life online! Truly a life changing moment. It's funny how those small moments can have such a huge impact on our lives. It seems that weekend was a majorly important time in his life. Becoming a teenager, doing 'stuff' with someone for the first time, and his first guitar. What a great weekend!

    Luce…Yum. I love the description for 'The Bear' “This is what it's like to win the meat raffle!” To all you non-Minnesotans out there, if you ever come here go to Luce and get The Bear. Well, if you like meat that is. And if you don't, I don't know what's wrong with you.

    Hope the finals went well! And now it's summer! Go out and enjoy it!




  2. What an amazing weekend in Daniel’s life, so many firsts! This is yet again another great chapter and all positive things. You too are very good at your craft and this is just one of your many talents.

    It’s great Daniel had his uncle to talk with about things not possible with others. I think most of us never had someone like that. Daniel had a lot of advantages in his young life.

    I will certainly enjoy following the progression of Daniel’s life as the story continues.

    I hope your exams went ok. I also hope you have a very enjoyable summer there. – Aof


  3. 'A Rent Boy Named…' was a really well written story blog that I discovered in the same way as Daniel. At some point something happened to the author that caused him to have to pull it off the web. Really too bad.

    Keep writing… we are hooked.


  4. Hello David
    Would that I'd had the internet when I was Daniel's age – being able to ask the sort of questions Daniel did, and, far more, getting some coherent answers, might have set my life in a different, and less traumatic direction. I do remember other discoveries, though, like the weekend, when I was 13, when I found out (on my own, sadly) about bodily pleasures, and how to get them, and, much later, at almost the same time as you, really, finding the world of online stories, Twinergy in my case – I never did get into Rent Boy – and from there, 'Blogworld' as a whole. A lot has happened in that four and a bit years, but here I still am in cyberspace, as, I'm pleased to say, are you.

    Love & best wishes
    Sammy B


  5. And the beginning of Daniel's “real” life!

    D_, it's hard to believe how well written this is. Every chapter is crafted as though a pro was at the pen. I see at least one of the authors caught up! She seems impressed. I know I am.

    Peace <3


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