LIVE THROUGH THIS (part 46)

“This one?” I asked, while holding a black button shirt in front of my body. “Or this one?”  Now holding a charcoal grey sweater.  “Or should I get something different?”

“And what about pants?  Can I wear jeans?  Or like cargos, khakis?”

“Daniel. Slow down. What are you doing here?” Kari responded, trying to calm me down. 

“What am I doing?  I have a date tonight. A date!  How am I supposed to dress for a date?”

“Yes I know. Stop freaking out. You’re not going to church, ok?  You don’t need to dig  out your best clothes. It’s just dinner and a movie.”

“But I want to look nice.”

“I know, and Kayla will think that’s cute, but don’t go overboard.”

“What do you mean?”

“Look. Kayla likes you for who you are. She doesn’t want to see you replaced with some other character. You show up looking like a different boy, and that will throw her off, or even turn her off.  All you need to do, is take a shower, tame down your hair a little, put on clean clothes, maybe a little body spray, and brush your teeth. Bring some gum too. You’ll want to have good breath for kissing at the movie.”

“Ughhh…I don’t think there’ll be any kissing tonight. She’s been…weird all week. Like super quiet and sad, and I don’t know why.”

“Oh?  Who’s idea was it to go out tonight?”

“I asked her last weekend, but I didn’t bring it up again. I was kind of scared to, but she asked yesterday, if we were still going.”

“It’ll be fine then. She wants to go. She asked to go. It’ll be fun. Go have a good time.”

A bit later, Kayla called to confirm what time she and her mom would be by to pick me up. I only had to wait another half hour. It ended up being about the longest half hour of my life. 

We loaded up and headed out about 4:30. The ride there was a little awkward. I didn’t know her mom real good, only meeting her a couple of times. Kayla always hung out at my house, we were rarely at hers. Her mom did do a nice job of carrying the conversation. I found out quickly that she knew a lot more about me than I would have expected. Kayla must talk to her mom about a lot of stuff. I just hopes she didn’t talk too much. 

She dropped us off at the same mall I hung out with Mark just last weekend. This better go better than that did.  We went inside and just walked around for a while, half looking for a restaurant we could agree on. We didn’t have any luck in the mall, so we stepped out and went to Olive Garden. I ordered the five cheese ziti, and she went with the lasagna. The conversation was coming back to us, for a little while things felt like they used to. Then, she got weird. 

“Oh Daniel, I just love talking with you. I’ve missed this…lately.”

“Me too…so what’s been going on?  Why have you been so…quiet?”

“Do you believe in fate Daniel?”

“Huh?  What do you mean?”

“I mean like us. Do you think we met for a reason?  Like part of a bigger plan.”

“I don’t know. I never really thought about something like that.”

“Do you believe in destiny?  Like, do you think you have any choice in your life?”

“What the?  You’re asking some messed up questions.”

“Answer. Do you think you have control of your life?”

“Well yeah. I mean…some yeah. Like I have to go to school and stuff, but I get to do some stuff that I want.”

“Do you think about the future much?”

“Nah. Not really. Do you mean like college and jobs and junk?  I don’t think about that stuff.”

“How about like us. Do you think we’ll still be friends in ten years?”

“I hope so. Why are you asking all this?”

“I don’t know. Just stuff I’ve been thinking about a lot lately.”

“Well, what do you think?”

“I think that I definitely met you for a reason. Many reasons actually. I do believe fate brought us together. I don’t think we have much choice in our lives. It’s all planned out for us. The good and the bad. I try to live for the moment, but the future does get stuck in my head. The good and the bad.”

“Wow. You really have thought about this a lot huh.”

“Well…I have my reasons. Daniel, I have some things I want to tell you, ok?  Just listen. It’s important.”

“Ok.”

“Promise me you’ll never change.”

“You mean stay 13 forever?”

“Don’t interrupt me. Please?  This is important.”

“Sorry.”

“What I mean is, don’t change who you are and how you are. You’re special.”

At this point, I gulped. This was going to get uncomfortable. The heat in my cheeks all but told me so. 

“You have such a big, caring heart. Don’t lose that. Whoever is around you, you make them feel special. Like they are the only person in the world that matters. You listen and you care. You love those who you cherish, deeply. I can tell. And when things are out of place, it affects you. Bad. You have so much to give and don’t ask for anything in return. Daniel you are probably the sweetest person I’ve ever met.”

“Come on Kayla.”

“Seriously. Daniel. I can see all of this in you. Just never lose your spirit. As much as the world will try to beat you down, and make you change, for me, don’t let it.”

Her last statement came with a few tears, sliding down her soft cheek. Upon seeing that, and soaking in what she was saying, a stream creeped down my face as well. 

“Kayla, why are you telling me all this?  It doesn’t make sense. What’s wrong?”

I could see Kayla struggle with something. Trying to sort out her emotions, and keep things together in this public setting. “I…it’s just…I wanted to tell you all this, ok?  You mean so much to me Daniel.”

“Why are you crying?”

“I…I can’t. I can’t tell you. Why are you crying?”

“Because you are.”

That managed to get a smile out of her, between sobs. “See. That’s so sweet.”

“Kayla. You’re hurting and I can’t stand it. It makes me hurt to see you hurt.”

“I’m ok…I feel better. Let’s have fun tonight. Ok?  Let’s eat this food before it gets cold or we get kicked out.”

“Ok. Do you still want to see a movie?”

“Hell yes. Just not something too good.”

She answered that with a mischievous smile. I must admit, I liked that better than the conversation we just worked through. We did eat some of our food and seemed to drift back into our usual fun, sarcastic way. As we exited the restaurant, Kayla hugged into me close, wrapping her arm around my waist. It had been a long time since I felt this closeness to her, and I was right at home. 

We settled on a movie called ‘2012.’  I had heard of the movie, but didn’t know what it was about. We grabbed some licorice and a big coke to share, and Kayla led me to the last row, off to the right. Not the best seats for viewing a movie, but I think she had other things in mind. It was a Saturday night, so the place was pretty full, but we didn’t have anybody real close to where we were sitting. 

Once the lights dimmed, Kayla snaked her arm through mine, and laced her fingers between mine. She planted a kiss on my cheek, and rested her head on my shoulder. We made it through the previews, and maybe a third of the way onto the movie, before she placed a couple soft kisses into my ear. Her hand released itself from mine, and landed on top of my thigh. I took my own hand and placed it on her knee. 

I didn’t know exactly where things were going, but I was definitely nervous. The public setting had me worried. Lip smacking noises. Drawing attention from strangers. It didn’t really appeal to me. We settled on massaging legs, and that was fine with me. Subtle.  But knowing Kayla like I do, I didn’t expect her to be ok with that. I assumed at some point, she would raise the bar. To my surprise, she seemed content, for longer than I expected. She waited until the movie seemed to be getting ready for the final showdown, before she made her move. 

She lifted her head into my ear again, gently breathing and kissing, making my whole body shiver and tense up. Her hand moved deeper into my thigh, until it eventually found my center. This combination of her hostile take-over tactics, made me throw caution to the wind. I lowered myself in my chair, and straightened out my legs, making myself more available. When her fingers crept up and unsnapped my jeans, and pulled down my zipper, fear and reality reintroduced itself to me.  What did I just set myself up for?  Was she going to expose me here?  I started to panic at the thought of being caught. I started to sit upright again, and swept her hand gently away. I whispered “I can’t” in her direction. 

“Trust me” she whispered back into my ear, and I gave in. She pushed her hand a bit awkwardly into the opening she created and simply rubbed me, through my boxer briefs. I reasoned, she wasn’t going to expose me here, in public, but was just looking for more room.  Feeling suddenly bold, I took a risk of my own. With my untrained hand, I crept up to her center. I massaged her there, having no idea if what I was doing, was done in a way that made her feel good, like it did for me. She opened her legs up to me and pushed her body down harder, into my hand. She moaned some into my ear, so I had to have been doing something right. 

We continued on like this for another ten minutes, until the damn movie ended. As people started to stand up during the credit roll, we straightened ourselves out and had a nice, overdue kiss. I eventually had to stand up. I wasn’t ready to. We walked back out into the lobby, and I grabbed some wall, while I waited for her in the bathroom. All was back to normal when she returned, and we went to wait outside for her mom to come pick us up. 

During the ride home, my phone buzzed in my pocket. I took it out and read the message. It was from Kayla, sitting in the front seat. It read:

“Do you want to come over for a while? I want to show you something in my room.”

My reply was a simple:

😀

We pulled up to my house and Kayla told her mom to keep going and that I was coming over for a while. Her mom cheerfully said ok, and drove up to her own driveway. 

When we got out of the car, I said “thank you for driving us.”

“It was my pleasure Daniel. I hope you guys had a fun time.”

Then she turned to Kayla and said “not too loud honey. That tv can be heard through the whole house.”

“Ok mom. We’ll keep it down” was Kayla’s reply to her mom, as she made a show of looking right at my crotch. Such a naughty girl. My heart fluttered. 

I had never seen Kayla’s room before. I had assumed it was upstairs, with the other bedrooms, but when we got inside, she took my hand and guided me into the basement, to her bedroom. 

“Do you have a bathroom down here?  I need to pee.”

“Yup. It’s over there.”

“Be right back.”

I went into the bathroom and did my thing. I spotted a box of Altoids on the counter and stole one.  I walked back to her bedroom and found her laying down in the center of her queen bed.

“Can you shut that door please?”

I did as asked and started to glance around her room. It was pretty cool, for a girls room. She kept very few extra items scattered around. It was orderly and neat. A small desk and laptop. A dresser with a flat screen tv on top. A mirror. A stuffed chair. A bookcase, immaculately organized with books, cd’s, and dvd’s. Her walls were painted a blue-grey with a few posters from vampire movies. Another wall had a cork board filled with photos of smiling kids hugging and doing other crazy kid stuff. She had a few paintings hanging up as well. Her own work. Dark and mysterious landscapes, and one of a shrouded figure. Her bed sat very high off the ground, on four gothic spears. There was a layer of blankets that was about as thick as a mattress. A scatter of red and black pillows, like you’d see at a hotel. 

Smiling up at me, after I had my tour, she asked “is it what you expected?”

“Pretty much. Are you a real vampire?”

“Hmmm…wouldn’t you like to know. Come here.”

I obediently scaled her tall bed and crawled up beside her. We met with a kiss. 

“Did you steal a mint?”

“Yes.”

“Do share.”

I brought my lips to hers again, passing over the Altoid I took from her bathroom. 

“Is this cool?  I mean with your parents. Are they going to come in here?”

“It’s cool. They won’t come anywhere near here. They’ll be asleep in like no time. Anyway, they’d knock first.”

Kayla hopped off the bed and went to her desk. She put on some, I don’t know, gothic, soft industrial music with a chic singer, that I’d never heard before. She crawled back into the bed and flipped two switches, turning off the overhead light, but Illuminating the room from the floor with a dim blue light that seemed to come from every corner. 

“Awesome.”

“You like that?”

“Yeah. It looks very cool. How’d you do that?”

“I don’t know. My dad did it. Let’s get comfortable.”  

Kayla ran her hands to the bottom edge of my shirt, prompting me to sit upright, as she pulled it over my head. While we sat there in the low blue light, she also pulled her own shirt over her head. Leaving her in only a black, intricate, lace bra. She reached over to my naked flesh and traced her fingers around my chest. 

“Thank you for dinner and the movie. It was very sweet of you.”

“Thanks for accepting my offer.”

She leaned into me and we kissed. She passed back the long forgotten Altoid, causing me to laugh. We sat up in the center of her bed and kissed like we had all the time in the world. 

After a while, she gently pushed me down onto my back, and climbed over the top of me. She reached behind herself, and a moment later, her bra was gone. She looked amazing against the ominous blue glow. Her slender white body and small perky breasts, shrouded by her short, jagged black hair. She lowered herself into me, her naked chest to mine. She kissed my lips. My chin. My neck. She explored my little, sensitive nipples, like she had that one other time. 

When she returned to my lips, I flipped us back over, placing her on the bottom. Feeling more confidence than I’d ever felt before, I copied her moves, until I was at that new place in her chest, exploring. Pleasuring. 

I ended up on my back again, Kayla on her side, next to me. Her hand rubbing that familiar place below my bellybutton. Without taking her mouth off of mine, I was once again, unsnapped, and unzipped. 

“Lift up” I was instructed, between kisses, as my jeans were yanked to my knees. 

“Again” she said, as my boxer briefs soon followed.  The cold air mixed with the heat of my body, as I lay in the most vulnerable position I’d ever been in. Kayla continued to massage her favorite place while kissing my ear and neck. 

As a participant, it felt like a well orchestrated display of affection. However, if there was an audience, I’m sure it looked like two inexperienced teens, trying to find their way to a special place. You tend to forget the accidental head buts, scratches and bit lips, when you look back. I’ve chosen the beautiful, flawless perspective now.  Only to see it as it was meant to be. 

Kayla took the lead, as she usually did, forging a path of delicate kisses, that led back to my flat chest. All those almost uncomfortable shivers and involuntary body twitches returned. However, she added a new wrinkle, as her path of discovery ventured south, toward unexplored territories. My tummy. My bellybutton. Leading down to her favorite place. 

I had a moment of panic, in concert with a beating heart, that threatened to pound it’s way out of my chest. She wasn’t going to?!?!

OH MY GOD!  Kayla next took me over the moon, through the Milky Way, and beyond the stars. All I could do was hold on for dear life, fisting clumps of warm blankets and pillows. Fighting desperately to silence my voice from screaming out in ecstasy. I opened my eyes to see if this could be real. Soft blue-black hair draped atop my pelvis, swaying, and tickling. Warm breath. A gentle hum. A hand slid up my chest, placing two fingertips into my mouth. It was  a slow dance of erotic decadence and intense pleasure.  It was over all to quickly, as she chased me to inevitable release. An explosive, long release like no other I had felt before, in my short, inexperienced life. She kept raising that bar, each time, with new, unbelievable surprises. 

She slowly edged her way back up, with a patented trail of kisses up the front of my body. She snuggled in against my neck, her arm thrown over my calming chest. 

I breathed out quietly “oh my god Kayla…what the?..how did you?…wow.”

She giggled her quiet reply. “It was my first time…so…was it ok?”

“You have no idea…but my stuff…you…ummm…”

“Yeah. I think you’re supposed to tell me when, you know, it’s about to happen.”

“I’m so sorry…I”

“Don’t worry about it. I kind of…didn’t mind.  Anyway, I kind of owed you, I think.”

We laid in silence for a while. Once the euphoric fog wore off, I became kind of nervous. I didn’t know how to return such a wonderful gift. 

Eventually, I came around to rubbing her soft, flat stomach. She grabbed my wrist, and held me in place. 

“No. Please. Let’s just cuddle.”

“But I…”

“Not tonight. Ok?  This has been a perfect night.  I wanted to do that for you.”

“What about you?”

“Mmm…I’m fine. I’m perfect.”

With that, we did just what she said. We laid together in the silent stillness of the night. Two soft heartbeats, synced in a comfortable rhythm. I fell asleep at some point, as did Kayla. Sometime in the wee hours, she stirred me awake. 

“Daniel. We both fell asleep. It’s pretty late. Can you get back into your house?”

“Yeah…I have a key. Guess I better head out huh?  What time is it?”

“One-thirty.”

“Not too bad” I said, as I gathered up my clothes, and started to get myself dressed. “Thanks for everything Kayla.”

“Thank you Danny.”

She guided me to the sliding door in the basement, and we shared one more hug and kiss, before I stepped into the frigid winter night. 

“G’nite Kayla.”

“Bye.”

I walked slowly back toward my house, fully aware that any effort I made to be quiet, would be thwarted by the crunch of the hard pack below my feet.  I looked into the pitch black sky, throwing huge clouds of fog with every long exhale. As amazing as tonight was. As strong as my feelings for Kayla had become, I felt a wall being erected between us. She was hiding something. Something big. I could see it in her eyes.  A constant hint of sadness. What was it she said to me earlier?  ‘Live for the moment.’