gjenfødelse XIII

With several hours of shopping under our belts, we were more than ready to get out of the mall. Promises of exquisite Italian cuisine only made matters worse, when Mark’s mom kept taking ‘one more quick stop boys,’ as we slowly meandered our way to the parking lot. Finally after what felt like an hour of leaving, we actually passed through the threshold of the enormous mall.

Buca di Beppo proved to be one of the best restaurants I had ever been to. It was a small, crowded, and loud place, that served their dishes family style. We ordered enough food for ten people, but that’s what you do to get a good variety and have a big bag of leftovers. The lasagna was, God, it had to be eleven layers of Italian perfection. The warm bread and olive oil, and the garlic mashed potatoes were delicious, as well.  They got some seafoody thing too, that I ignored. But, the chicken parmigiana, well, it gave me a boner. It was nothing short of a mouth orgasm. It took all of my will, to not lick the plate clean after we killed the dish. It was easily the hands down winner amongst us three boys.

With overstuffed tummies, we rolled into the house after our all day outing. We actually turned down an offer for Cold Stone on the way home. We were all just too full to even consider it. Since tomorrow was Christmas Eve, and my temporary residency was coming to an inevitable end, we decided to exchange gifts tonight. We all relocated to different areas of the house to wrap our presents, with plans to meet up in Mark’s room a little later.

We assembled on Mark’s bed with our small collection of presents in the middle. Within a matter of minutes we had torn through everything. For all the time put into getting there, it was over rather quickly. Mark was very thankful for his xbox live access, as he’s been out of hours for quite a while. He excused himself for a little COD time with his buddies in California. Only after making sure we were ‘cool’ with it. It was a small gesture, but I was happy that he had thought of it.

Adam was thrilled with both his iTunes card, and his new guitar strap. He placed the strap over his shoulder, stood up on the bed, and entertained us with some frantic air guitar. Mark muttered ‘spaz’ as he made his exit. Adam bounced back to a sitting position beside me, a little out of breath and red in the cheeks. He caught me way off guard, when he next placed his lips on my cheek and gave me a little kiss.

“Thank you Danny. It’s awesome.”

I know it was a simple thank you kiss, but I felt my guts get all twisted up inside. “You’re…welcome Adam. Merry Christmas.”

“Hehe. You’re funny,” Adam said, before planting another kiss on my cheek. He grabbed my hand and said, “come on. I want to see it on my guitar for real.”

He yanked me off the bed and bounded upstairs. I was half in reality, half floating on some dreamy cloud, dutifully following him to his room.  We spent a little while up there, playing guitar and just hanging out. Adam searched through iTunes for a while, listening to previews, trying to decide what songs to buy.

“Hey!  Do you want to watch a movie with me in Mark’s room?”



Adam went over to his shelf and started rifling through his DVDs.  Most of them went crashing to the floor in a scattered heap, as he tried to catch the plastic landslide, whispering to himself, “oh damn. Shit. Fuck.”  I found the entire event kind of cute, but I held back my laughter.

“Have you seen this one?”, he asked while handing me a movie called ‘The Goonies.’


“Seriously?!  It’s like the best movie ever. My dad showed it to me. You have to watch it.”


“Cool. I’ll grab another one my dad showed me, too.”

As we stood up to leave, Adam cautioned, “wait!  Hold on a sec.”

He walked over to his closet and pulled off his jeans. He struggled a little, kicking roughly, as they bunched up around his foot. This started another cute string of quiet complaints, until they finally shot across his room. He reached into his closet and pulled out a pair of white basketball shorts that he pulled on without incident.

“Much better,” he smiled, indicating he was ready to go.

As we hiked back downstairs, my mind was still processing the events from the last hour. First a kiss, then a removal of pants. This kid was driving me up the wall, and he didn’t even realize it.

We settled onto Mark’s bed, propping pillows against the wall, for the best viewing option. After some jockeying and nestling, we were dug in and ready go. It didn’t take long for Adam to scoot in tighter. He’s definitely got a body contact thing. The movie itself, was as advertised. Awesome!  I’m not ready to claim it the best movie ever, but it was very entertaining.

After the movie ended, we took a potty break. Adam went first, so I watched Mark play COD for a while. When I took my turn in the bathroom, Adam ran up to the kitchen to get some snacks and beverages.

“Do you want to watch the next movie with us Mark?”, I asked.

“Whatcha gonna watch?”

“The Lost Boys,” Adam chimed in while jumping the last three steps.

“Sweet!  Yeah. I’ll come in after this mission. You can start it without me.”

Adam changed over the dvd and we settled in for another cinematic adventure.

“You’ve seen this one, right?”


“Damn Danny!  You haven’t seen much, huh.”

“I don’t know. Just different ones I guess.”

“I wish you’d come over for my sleepover friend. I got so many movies you probably never seen.”

“Ha. Yeah, probably.”

Adam turned the lights off for this one, and just as the movie got started, he let go an enormous yawn. “If I fall asleep, will you bring me to my room again?”

“Ya. Sure thing.”

“Cool.  I’m pretty tired I think.”

He snuggled in real tight, near the crook of my arm.  A bit later, when I let my arm fall, I gripped his arm by his elbow, and gave a little squeeze. He sighed and buried himself a little deeper into me. I reached down near his waist and pulled the blanket up over his shoulder. He responded by draping his arm across my stomach.

Thanks Danny. I was a little cold.”

A little ways into the movie I asked him a question. When I didn’t get a response, I figured he must have fallen asleep already. Not long after, Mark came in to watch the film with us. He climbed up on my other side, so I was surrounded by my two angels. What I would give to get to do this every day…

The Lost Boys was a super good movie, too. When it was over, Mark and I were feeling pretty tired.

“Guess I’ll bring little man up to his room,” I commented.

“Nah. Leave him. This bed is big enough for all of us.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah. He sleeps down here a lot of nights. It’s no big deal.”

Mark got out of bed to do his nightly duties in the bathroom, while I just laid next to Adam waiting for my turn. It was when I was in the bathroom, that I realized I was still wearing whitey tighties. At the time I put them on, I didn’t think I’d be sleeping here again. Ah well, I’m sure Mark will have some kind of smart ass comment, but I can handle it.

When I got back to his room, he was already laying down at the side of the bed. His lamp on the nightstand was still turned on, but his arm was thrown across his eyes, so he couldn’t see me.

“You get the middle and good luck with that. Adam is a violent sleeper hehe.”

“Gee thanks.”

I stripped down to my undies with no incident, and crawled up the middle of the bed. Mark turned off the light, and we laid awake on our backs for a while, talking about random stuff. Mark mentioned our out-of-town hockey tournament coming up in two weeks. He said if I wanted to go, which I do desperately, I really needed to talk to the coach. He offered that I could stay in his hotel room with his family, which would be so awesome. I really had no reason to not be playing on the hockey team, unless of course, I wasn’t wanted back. The only way to find out is to call the coach and see. That gives me two important phone calls to make this week. We talked a bit longer, until Mark yawned and rolled onto his side.

“G’night Daniel. Sleep tight.”

“Hehe. It’ll be hard not to. I feel like a sardine.  Nigh nigh Mark.”

And it was true. It was fairly tight with three in the bed. On my right side, I could feel Mark’s butt against my hip, and on my left side, Adam had his face plastered against my ribcage. His soft hair tickling my bare skin. I didn’t know if I was going to be able to move the entire night. I didn’t want to disturb their sleep, and I didn’t really have anywhere to go.  I did stay awake for quite a while, listening to the two brothers purring like a couple of cozy kittens. I didn’t have any of my pervy thoughts come forward in my mind, which was a good thing.

The thoughts and feelings I did have at that moment were on a much deeper level. A level of unconditional love that my life seemed to lack so much. I didn’t get it from home, like so many do. Sure, I had the love from my mother, but there’s always been something missing. When I really thought about it, I resented her for allowing my father to abuse me for all these years. She has to know something. It’s very unusual for a father and son to live in the same house and never interact. She has the power to end it, but she chooses to turn a blind eye. That alone, hurts worse than the physical abuse.

Sometimes I think my uncle can see this in both her and me. I think that’s why he tries double hard to be there for me. He’s without a doubt, the single most important person in my life. I can’t imagine my life without him. I can’t describe how much I love him, and how much he means to me. After I attempted suicide, my biggest fear was that I would lose him. Disappoint him. Yet he was there, like always, trying to show me the way.

And as I lay here between two of the strongest objects of my desire, I didn’t want to explore their bodies. I didn’t need to. The thought of crossing a line, or exposing my sexual leanings, and the potential fallout, are more than I’m willing to risk. They both mean too much to me. Mark seems too girl crazy to be interested in anything more than a friendship. Even with his occasional explorations. It’s something I guess I will have to accept.  Adam is simply too young to know what he wants. Even if he was certain of his desires, and pursued them, I don’t want to be a part of some great regret, later in his life.

As I started to drift off, albeit on my back, which I never do, there was some stirring on my left side. Adam was maybe going to show me one of his violent thrashings that Mark warned me about. He tossed and turned for a while, until he finally settled in much the same position he was already in. The only difference was now he had one arm thrown over my chest, and the fingers on his other hand, were laced through my own hand, on the mattress between us. A single, unexplainable tear fell from my eye, contrasting with the subtle smile on my lips.


5 responses to “gjenfødelse XIII

  1. Man, you can make someone that has just eaten hungry again immediately. You certainly have a way with describing food.

    A truly delightful chapter, such strong feelings and emotions we learn of Daniel having. For me, this is a continuing new experience, being able to know what goes on in the mind of another. I feel like I am learning more about another person than I have ever had the opportunity to do before.

    It’s wonderful that Daniel has both Mark and Adam in his life at this point but I can’t help but wonder how things can progress. It sure seems to be true that Mark’s focus is mainly on girls, it doesn’t seem likely that he will go further with Daniel than just being a good friend. And Daniel feels Adam is too young to pursue at this point in time. What’s he to do?

    Truly magnificent writing. The bar keeps getting higher and higher. – Aof


  2. I am glad to see that Daniel is getting some things (the physical) a little more under control, and figuring out what could happen if he took things farther. As to Adam, still a bit young probably. Anyway, all in all, a great chapter.

    Peace <3


  3. Hello David
    The search for love is a big part of many people's lives, and often has its roots in childhood. I know, from personal experience. The way you've written about that here is very moving.

    Love & best wishes
    Sammy B


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