I’m putting the finishing touches on the next (maybe final) chapter of book two. Maybe it’s the revisiting the past, or maybe it’s just taking a look at the reality of things, or a combination of the two. I’m seriously considering ending this adventure after the next chapter rolls out. This has remained a small very following, and only continues to get smaller. The numbers don’t lie. I do appreciate those of you that have stuck with me and supported me. My appreciation is greater than you can imagine.

As difficult as it was to share the events from book one, the events on the near horizon are even tougher to deal with. Abuse and my greatest heartbreak. Sounds like fun, huh?  That might be why people are dropping off. Who wants to read this depressing shit, right?  And for anybody who was looking for the backstory, that pretty much covers it. The story picks up pretty much where I started my first blog.

None of this is set in stone. I’ve been going through a rough stretch, but wanted to keep you guys in the loop. I might wake up tomorrow with all kinds of motivation and inspiration to see through a book three. Only time will tell, I guess.

Again, thank you all for taking time out of your busy lives to read my story and sharing your thoughts about it. Stay tuned for the next chapter(s)



10 responses to “Nagging…

  1. David,

    I’m sorry to hear that you are still going through a rough stretch, I had hoped things were pretty well settled for you at this time, that most of the trauma occurred when you were much younger than you are now. But then I really don’t know anything about your present life though I would like to. You mentioned a possible return to the Denver area but you said nothing more about it.

    I am certainly one who would like to know all the story of your life, I feel we’ve only scratched the surface thus far. I can’t help but wonder what the ‘greatest heartbreak’ is all about. As I mentioned much earlier, I would very much like to know your point of view of the Boise connection. I was a witness to what was made public back then but there is much mystery about it I don’t know about or understand.

    I think you have many more readers here than is apparent. I wish you had some way of monitoring the activity here other than just judging by the few comments that appear. I’m sorry you feel like there isn’t much interest in what you have to say.

    I wish there was some way I could have a positive effect on your life right now but I don’t know of any way to do that.

    I have witnessed a great advancement in your writing ability here. There is no doubt in my mind that the journal you have chronicled here has played a big part in that. The skills you’ve gained through this exercise will benefit you all the rest of your life. I think it would be to your benefit to continue here if for no other reason than the continued writing practice. I would hope also that it is also cathartic to things that have troubled you. I certainly think that Chapter One had that effect. You kept that pretty well bottled up inside and now you are well past it.

    As always, I only want what is best for you. I truly am… – Aof.


  2. David,
    I'm really sorry I haven't been commenting. (Or, to be completely honest, reading, at the moment). I have been swamped. It isn't as if I don't see the new post in my feed and it hurts to know that I am behind. Please don't think it is the material. It's not. It's me being too damn busy to do much of anything outside work and a couple of obligations here that have kept me out of town, and out quite late for days on end.

    Your story is yours to tell as you wish. I know you've mentioned that it might not be as cathartic as we readers think it is, but I think it is more than you let on. Sometimes facing this stuff head on helps to place it in its proper place in your mind, like maybe one more dance front and center, now go to the back of the closet so I can get on with things.

    I hope you stick it out to the present.

    Peace <3


  3. As I've stated in the past, I suck balls when it comes to commenting. This has been a hard week for me, but I've just gotten caught up on your stories this morning. I was lying in bed unable to sleep, so I read them about 5 AM. I didn't comment, and usually don't, because I was on my phone. Trying to get blogger to agree with the iphone isn't the easiest thing to do (as I'm sure you're aware), so I usually wait until I get to a computer to comment.

    I'd love for you to continue writing your story. I get a great pleasure from reading your writing. The dark parts can be difficult to read, but life is difficult. If you were to pass over the bad things, it wouldn't seem as real to the reader. I can understand why you wouldn't want to relive those times yourself though. In the end, it's up to you whether or not you choose to continue, but I really hope you do. If you don't continue this story, are you still planning on writing Savior? That story is equally fascinating, although for different reasons. I'm sure you get tired of us telling you, but your skills as a writer are amazing.

    Take care of yourself. You know I'm always an email away. And I hope things never feel as rough as they did at the end of the last book again. I've lost enough people in my life, dammit!




  4. Please don't stop. I hope you can find the strength to keep writing. Not just for the present people who follow you blog but also for future people who will benefit from your experience. If not, thanks for sharing what you have….Adon


  5. Hello David
    The only criterion that matters is what is right for you. Blogging isn't tenable on any other basis, especially blogging on such an autobiographical level. You know that I know that to be true, from my personal experience. And, for me, at least, 'support' is a given. As long as you're here, health permitting, I'll be here.

    Love & best wishes
    Sammy B


  6. Hi David,

    I remember hitting a crossroads in my blog just like you are right now. I questioned if it was worth it, as my numbers were lower than yours probably are. But looking back on things, I can confidently say that it was worth it, not for them, but, for me.

    Though my blog is gone now, never to return (though I'm considering starting a new one, albeit for a totally different demographic and audience – plane rides over Point Sur, anyone?), it helped me sort through the good and bad of what happened to me. My abuse as a kid, my flawed beliefs about sexuality, the trials and tribulations of my past – all of that I needed to come to terms with in some way, and there were many points of contention along that road. Was it as therapeutic or cathartic as I had thought? Was I just having a cathexis about my younger self, or, somebody else in Idaho? I spent a long time debating it, and every chapter was difficult – especially the earlier ones, with some of my darker stuff. You remember those (“In a Mirror, Darkly”, and “Thine Own Self” comes to mind specifically)?

    I found that writing through my own ordeals and experienced helped me order it in my mind. Years later, I'm finding it easier to discuss, calmly and rationally, and even appreciate in some ways. Not what was done to me, but what it did to me and made me. For both, better and worse. You were with me on that journey, too. In fact, I shared a lot of things with you that didn't make it to my blog, such as the deeper details around my biological parents, and some of the other things going on in my life. You also weren't alone in what you went through in the next chapter – I was there for parts of it too, so I have an idea of what you're feeling now also, from my own perspectives.

    But what it comes down to, is really these two things:
    1) You have a past, that you need to come to terms with. How you do that is up to you, and I don't know what will be best. If you do choose to write about it, that might help. If you don't, it doesn't take away the fact that you still need to come to terms with a few things, and not just bury them or ignore them. If you do write about it, it's also your choice to share with us or not. The simple act of writing may help even if it's not for anybody else to read or review. But you know yourself better than we do.
    2) The people here are here to support you. They aren't here for entertainment. They're here because they personally want to be here for you, through your ordeal. Sure, some may be a little curious about details they aren't privy to. But each and every person here is here for you, including me. If anybody here just wants details, at the expense of your sanity, they can talk to me. You should only continue if you think that is the right choice to do – and we'll all support that choice, no matter what. But whatever you decide, whatever you feel is best, we are here for you. And in our own ways, we love you.

    I truly feel you should continue for your own sake, not anybody else's (in fact, there's probably not a whole lot you can share in the next part that I don't already know). Only you know if it'll be worth it for sure. And no matter what, you'll always have my support.



    • Hi the other David,
      I found your thoughtful post helped me examine
      my own reasons for reading David’s story.

      I find it really compelling. Like Rent-boys.

      I was wondering if I was perving, or getting some
      kind of sub-concious thrill or something?

      But I think its two things.
      First, it seems to vicariously be helping me examine
      my own kidhood.

      And it reminds me that I’m not so totally alone as I imagine myself.
      I am not the only person that these things have happened to.
      I am not the one that should feel ashamed.

      I just turned 64. And still sometimes forget I’m not alone.
      ( Thank you, David for reminding me. )

      In any case, ‘mano, we are really blessed to have such
      an incredible writer willing to share (t)his story with us.


  7. Hey, David, thank you for sharing this with us.
    After reading it, I can’t help but feel close to you.
    Or the person you were in the story.

    I know this is a year later.
    I hope you’re really well now,
    And have all the things that need
    put back in their boxes, back.

    And up on a high shelf,
    where you don’t have to think about them,
    except when you want to.

    David thank you for reminding me about the boxes.
    I have some things of my own that need put back.

    Well, I’ll shutup before I start to sound weird.


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